


Fate, Time and Glorious Us

by Basiltons_Charmed_Life



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2743412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basiltons_Charmed_Life/pseuds/Basiltons_Charmed_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis keeps thinking that apart of him knew this day would come. He knew he wouldn’t go forever without seeing Harry again. Its like fate is telling him that it isn’t the end of their story. Like that was only the first chapter. That fucking terrifies him. </p><p>In which Louis is depressed and is dragged out to a New Year's Eve party by Zayn and it is there where he runs into his past and finds his future all at once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working a lot on this and am really passionate about the story line and finally had the courage to post it and receive some real human feedback!! hope you all enjoy what I have written so far :)

The rain is the earth’s way of telling people its sad. What its sad about is anybody’s guess. His world is full of sad things like war, poverty, broken hearted people. Rain is the earths way of telling people he is sorry. For everything.

X

  
**Prologue**

This is as good as it gets.

As he lays in his regularly unmade bed in nothing but black briefs staring at his bland ceiling holding a beer in his hand at 3am, he thinks this.

This is as good as it gets.

Louis had never been a fan of having an extremely glamour’s life. He has always been a man of simple taste. He will admit that he liked that about himself. But this? He thinks. This is not simple. This isn’t even really a life. This is just he, alone in his vast empty imperial with his greatest achievement in the last however many months, is being able to knock back ten beers and not feel any different. Not even a buzz. Not even a spark.

This is as good as it gets.

X

 

**Chapter 1.**

Louis hates his flat. He hates the feeling that every little thing that makes up this place reminds him of a memory, of a person, of a time. These memories are good. These memories are so good and that’s precisely why he hates them. He hates how good they were and how great they made him feel. He used to feel so good. He used to be so good.

This place reminds him of all the great things he could have been that he now isn’t. And that’s why he hates his place. But he can never find it in him to leave, it’s as if the memories are latching onto him, forcing him to live through them over and over and over again. Its as if they are saying: “Hey remember me?”

And yes. He does.

X

The knock on the door is so loud it makes Louis literally jump. Probably because it’s the first real sound he has heard in weeks. The thought makes Louis laugh to himself. How did it ever come to this?

He almost doesn’t answer the door. He isn’t really interested in Churchgoers telling him about how Jesus is everyone’s friend. It isn’t until he hears Zayn’s voice that he remembers people actually exist.  
“Lou open up I know you’re in there.” Zayn sounds a million miles away to Louis. As if he is on another planet. But Louis thinks that’s just him.

When he opens the door he wishes he hadn’t. He didn’t appreciate being greeted with an older and worried looking Zayn, his best mate. He looked like he had grown up, like he had a new story, like his life has just kept going up and up and up. Louis just stares at the ground.  
“I have a bone to pick with you.” Zayn says as he shoves past Louis and enters his flat like he always used too. For the first time Louis feels something. He feels ashamed.

Louis hesitantly closes the door and follows Zayn into his lounge room/kitchen/dining room and watches as Zayn surveys the place with an unreadable expression. Louis hates that.  
“Shit Lou, I love what you’ve done with the place.” Zayn remarks with a sly grin. Louis realises how weird another persons voice sounds in his flat. He also for the first time takes notice of his flats state and realises how much of a mess it is. Empty beer cans on the floor, takeaway Chinese food from last week still on the coffee table half eaten. He notices how much of a mess his whole flat is, its quite ironic really.  
“What do you want Zayn?” And okay. That came off a lot colder than it should have.  
“Oh that’s rich Lou. No: Hi Zayn, Haven’t seen you in ages, I’ve missed you bro. Thanks Louis feeling loved mate.” Zayn laughs as he pulls Louis into a hug. Wow. Louis thinks. This is what human interaction feels like.  
He almost forgot you see.  
“Sorry.” Louis whispers. He sounds so small. Funny that.  
“I don’t want apologies you jerk I want answers! I want to know where you’ve been all this time! I’ve missed having my best mate around to listen to all my dramatic problems.”  
“I’ve been busy I guess.”  
“Not busy cleaning, showering or shaving I’m guessing.”  
“Shut up you loser!”  
“Ah there he is! Thought I lost you for a second there.”  
And okay. Louis thinks. He really does miss Zayn.

“I’m really sorry mate. I am. I’m sure life has been utter horror without my sarcastic nature and patience to listen to you babble about some girl who gave you a fake number its just, I’ve been having a rough time lately. I’ve kind of just been stuck.” And that’s the most Louis has said in the last four months.

“Is it because of him? You know it’s been -“

“- Please Zayn just-don’t.”

The look Zayn gives him is more than he can bear. Because Zayn knows, Zayn knows everything really even when Louis doesn’t tell him, he just does. How could he not? He was there for it all. He was there through the horribly good and the beautifully terrible. He was Louis’ first call when The Boy left him alone. He was there sitting on Louis’ couch watching as Louis drunkenly broke and smashed the records that belonged to The Boy. He was there on Louis’ balcony smoking weed with him on the 6-month anniversary of The Boy leaving him. He was there even when Louis eventually, suddenly, unexpectedly, just gave up on talking altogether, even after so many months apart from The Boy. And after months of ignoring Zayn and his calls and texts and emails and stupid teddy bears from a $2 shop he is here again. Louis never felt more appreciative and guilty in such a long time.

“I get it mate. And I feel shit for not coming by sooner but you weren’t responding to my calls or texts so I assumed that you were busy or kidnapped or something so I gave you space. If I had known I would have been over everyday with tubs of ice cream and bottles of vodka you know that.”  
“You did” Louis thinks, he doesn’t say it though.  
“Yeah I do.”  
“Now that I’m back in your life after an eternity apart, I’m getting you back on track and that starts with a party tomorrow night!”  
“Who’s party is it?”  
“You’re kidding right? Jesus Christ Louis its New Years Eve tomorrow night!”  
For some reason that hit Louis much harder than he though it would. Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Tomorrow is the night everyone makes hopes for the future and starts coming up with new dreams and resolutions to fulfil. And Louis forgot. Yeah Zayn is right. He needs to get back on track.  
“Right. New Years Eve party. I’m sure I can handle that. As long as it isn’t at some big club or anything you know how I feel about those places.”  
“What type of best friend would I be if I sent you to a nightclub? No it’s at a local bar its very quaint, but all our mates will be there. They all miss you too.”  
Louis has missed them too.  
“Okay count me in.” Louis says sounding confident. He likes that feeling.  
“Yes! I’m so glad mate it’ll be a blast. Ill text you the address so charge your fucking phone up. Ill see you around.” With one last long embrace and a smack on the ass by Zayn, Louis is alone again and for the first time he feels majorly unsettled by it.

 

X

He showers with the lights off and lets the steam consume his thoughts, his lungs, and his body. He lets the water; fall down his back as he rests his head against the cool tile. He thinks about the sun trying to consume the planet. He thinks about the sun swallowing the world whole. Swallowing him whole. He thinks about the sun burning his entirety and him being to weak to stop it and being all to deserving of it.

He thinks about people drowning in love and light. And how the sun can’t touch them there.

X

**Flashback**

_“Can you please stop moving and giggling like a little perv? That would be most helpful.”_

_Of course that just makes The Boy giggle and move more, but considering Louis expected it he just rolls his eyes and smiles bashfully as he continues to press gentle kisses to His stomach like he is planting flowers._

_“You know I can’t help it Lou.” The Boy replies no longer giggling but smiling at Louis like he is the most beautiful thing in the world. Louis’ cheeks just redden._

_“Still I’m trying to be all romantic and stuff down here and you are just ruining the moment.” Louis replies as he delicately comes up to kiss The Boy on the mouth all sweet and tenderly._

_This is something he will never truly get over. The feeling of such closeness, lips to lips, chest to chest, heart to heart. Louis’ hopes he never gets over it._

_“I love you Lou.”_

_Louis doesn’t answer. He never does._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

Louis remembers his first kiss. They were both 12 and locked in the closet together for 7 Minutes in Heaven. Louis remembers her smelling like strawberries and her blonde hair was slightly on her face hiding her blush. He remembers thinking that she was pretty in the way his mum was pretty. He remembers wishing he got locked in the closet with Brad instead. He remembers not knowing what to do with that feeling. He was so young. He was in a closet, both literally and figuratively at this point in time. He remembers the girl asking to kiss him. He remembers saying yes because she was pretty and that was the thing to do.

 

Louis remembers his first time. It was a memorable first time as most are, but not in the good way. They were 16 and it was with the girl he shared his first kiss with. By this time he knew who he was and what he liked but was too much of a coward to admit it. Still. He was nervous and so was she. He pretended to enjoy it, he really did try, but it was one of those inevitable things. He pictured Brad’s face, which made the experience easier, but when he accidently said Brad’s name he wished he wasn’t such a coward. Especially when she started to cry and ran out of his house. After that he finally came out to everyone because honestly it was long overdue. Everyone was happy for him and loved him all the same.

 

Louis remembers the first time he fell in love. He was 18, at university, on top of the world. He remembers his name was Jack and being shorter than Louis, blonde, brown eyed, stocky, but in Louis’ eyes he was perfect. They’re relationship was a secret because Jack wasn’t ready, and Louis understood. When he told Jack he loved him Jack cried, then punched Louis and threw him onto the cold street naked with his clothes in his hands. It was then that he swore off love. His relationships afterwards were never longer than three weeks and where mostly just drunken hook-ups in the bathrooms at the clubs and he was always the one to say goodbye first.

He was always a coward when it came to love.

Louis remembers the first time he let someone stay. He was 22, just bought himself a small flat in Manchester and he just had his first children’s book published. The boy was tall, curly haired, green eyed, lanky and beautiful. He told awful jokes with dimples showing and Louis’ could never not laugh. He remembers spending 2 years with that boy and being so blissfully happy but never telling him. He remembers never telling the boy how much he loved him. He remembers not being the first to leave. He remembers his first month without that boy, then the month after that, and eventually the first year. Now 2 years later, Louis looks at the bed where he first fell in love and thinks that life changes, people change, dreams change, even time changes.

But it’s the heart that always stays the same.

X

“Jesus freakin Christ!” Louis exclaims to no one in particular when he looks at himself in the mirror for the first time in months.  
He looks like a straight out homeless person to put it lightly. He has a beard, that for some reason he never noticed growing, his hair is growing in all different directions, his skin is paler than Snow Whites and his teeth are going yellow from never brushing them.  
“Yep. This will take awhile.”

Two hours, 2 cans of hair gel and hair spray, two tubes of toothpaste and a whole box of shaving cream later and Louis almost looks like his old self. Almost. There is still that dark shadow in his eyes that hold all his depressive sadness but he can deal with that later.  
For now, he looks like how he always did. He looks alive, refreshed, and almost happy.

He keeps his outfit simple. Black skinny jeans, white jumper, dark green coat, black TOMs. He is going for the “I’m Louis, a regular guy that did not forget for a minute how to use a shaver and thought my hairspray was deodorant” look. He thinks he pulls it off quite well if he is honest. Even though that tired, sad, ghost won’t leave his eyes alone. Louis thinks that if people looked close enough they would see how he is just an empty shell of a person who gave up. He hopes no one gets that close.

He is disgusted in himself really, how did he let himself get so utterly fucked up?

He doesn’t remember precisely when he did give up. He simply remembers at one point being present and living and then he wasn’t. Somehow that’s worse. Not remembering what cause him to fall into himself. But he does know. That’s the bad thing. He knows exactly why he fell. It was that stupid curly haired boy that took Louis’ everything when he left. Louis hopes he never sees him again. If he ever did he would punch his teeth in. Or worse, kiss him and tell him how much he has missed him.

He grabs his wallet, phone and keys and stuffs them into his jacket pocket and leaves without a second glance into his empty flat that kept him from the outside world. He tries to ignore the ghosts of his past and happy self as he walks out the door. He does not however miss the ghosts of him and that curly boy making out against the wall, ravishing each other as if they are afraid if they stop, afraid if they let go the other will just disappear into nothing. Why did he let go?

X

Smoking has always been Louis’ worst habit. He doesn’t do it often enough for it to give him cancer but he does it every now and again when he is stressed, nervous or just needs something to lift him up. He is very nervous to say the least. So because of that, he will lean against the brick wall outside of the bar he is supposed to meet all of his friends who he hasn’t seen for months at, and have a cigarette. It’s going to be a very anxious night.

Louis takes this time to observe the random strangers that surround him. He takes notice of the girls wearing outfits that leave nothing to the imagination and notice how they try to act as if they are comfortable with the hungry stares they receive from male, testosterone filled onlookers. He also notices the guys that act all manly and big for their boots as they talk about all the women they have scored with when in actual fact they have spent the last few nights watching internet porn and giving themselves a treat at 2am. Louis also pays attention to the lonely ones. The girls and guys that were dragged out to various parties by their friends, when all they want to do is watch some lame romantic comedy whilst drinking a full bottle of champagne. Louis relates to those individuals a lot.

Just as Louis goes to put out his cigarette and ask those lonely souls to join him in a bottle of champagne and a viewing of Love Actually, he hears a familiar voice.  
“Oh my god Louis! My man you came!” Exclaims Liam, Louis’ mate from collage.  
Liam embraces Louis and Louis cant help but appreciate the warmth that his good friend gives him. It has been awhile.  
“Hey Liam.” Replies Louis with a less than convincing smile.

“Christ Louis it’s been too long, I’ve missed you heaps buddy I’m so glad you came it’ll make New Years even better!” Rambles Liam. Louis never thought he’d miss Sam and his never quitting mouth of steel.  
“Ha-ha. That’s what I am here for buddy. Improving the festivities of the New Year and whatnot.” Louis is always one to make a joke no matter what emotional state he is in.

“Of course lad! Well don’t just stand out here come inside and lets get this celebrating started! You look like you could use a drink.” Says Liam as he wraps one arm around Louis’ shoulders and guides him through the bar doors.

Yes he does need a drink. Or two.

X

The bar is filled with smoke, alcohol, streamers, blasting music and happy fulfilled souls. Its as if everyone is glitter and filled with helium and are all moving up and up and up into the great nothing with no cares and no worries and no sadness.

As Louis sits at the edge of a booth next to Liam and across from Zayn and all of his other friends and he can’t help but feel the suffocation closing in on him. He can’t help but feel vulnerable and exposed. He feels his friend’s eyes on him draping in concern and worry. He isn’t even looking at them. He is staring deeply into the contents in his beer as his finger makes circles across the rim but he can see it. He knows.

He wants to yell at them. He wants to swipe all their beer across the table and onto the floor and scream at all of them telling them to stop looking at him like he is going to burst into a shatter of tears in any given second. He wants to do that so bad then run home and drink himself into oblivion. He won’t do that though of course. Because they are is friends, and they are just worried, and he is more likely to faint before he gets the chance to knock their drinks down.

So instead he sits, he sits and smiles and laughs on cue and answers questions more than vaguely and even offers one or two sarcastic comments on Zayns new hair being longer than his sisters, because some things never really change. He sits and tries to stifle the bile rising to his throat that isn’t really there but may as well be, because he has never felt so sick from being sick.

Louis feels his hair getting stuck to his forehead and his beer slipping between his sweaty palms and he needs to go somewhere to breathe and calm the fuck down. Now!  
“I’m just going to head to the loo, ill be back.” Louis says quickly. He takes a final swing of his drink and hurries to the bathroom before the boys have a chance to even respond.

X

The bathroom is cramped and smells of urine and musk. The mirrors are fogged and pieces of glass are missing from them and inappropriate drawings and jokes covers the walls and Louis does not laugh and some of them. He doesn’t.

There are three tiny sinks and he chooses the one on the left right next to the wall and washes his face with water enjoying the weight and the heat leave his body. He stares at his reflection half-heartedly as the music pounds through the walls making the floor vibrate. But to him is just an echo. It is all so far away from him, like its coming from another planet.

He doesn’t even realise someone coming in until he hears them unzipping their fly and using the urinal. Louis quickly turns the tap back on and washes his hands to act as if he wasn’t just staring at himself in the mirror.

He goes to quickly leave and as he turns he bumps into the stranger who is obviously done with peeing and is going to use the sink.

“Sorry mate.” Louis replies not even looking up at this tall, broad creature that has left his fly undone.

“All good ma- Louis?” the stranger gasps.

Louis knows who it is. Of course he does. He knows that husky voice anywhere. He doesn’t want to look up, he really truly doesn’t but of course his eyes disobey him.

The Boy looks the same. He looks just like he always has. For some reason that makes Louis want to punch him because Louis doesn’t look the same. Louis probably looks like utter shit. And he doesn’t want Him to know that. Not at all. Especially when He is smiling at Louis like he always used to. He wants to say something so bad. He wants to spit words of hatred to Him; he wants to tell Him how much he misses Him. He wants to punch Him. He wants to kiss Him. He wants to run under a bus.

He doesn’t do any of that of course, instead he just looks to the floor and says:

“Your flies undone.”

And he leaves.

X

**Flashback**

_“I can’t do this with you anymore Louis.” The Boy says as he stands in the doorway with his duffle bag over his shoulder, hands in his pocket, beanie pulled down across his forehead, face streaked with tears._

_Louis is sitting on the couch watching the black TV screen, eyes stinging._

_“You’ve made that very clear. You know, leaving and all.” Louis replies, voice shaking like his entire body._

_“I don’t want to leave Louis! Your making it seem like I’m doing this on purpose because I want to hurt you!” The Boy replies voice becoming louder and wet from tears._

_“Not doing this on purpose, your hilarious! What? Is some cosmic force controlling you to pack your shit and leave? That’s bullshit!” Louis replies standing now directly across from The Boy. He can barley see through his glassy eyes, but he can still see Him clearly. He wishes he couldn’t._

_“Don’t be a sarcastic prick! You know I never want to hurt you but I can’t live like this where everyday fucking day I question how you feel and if you love –“_

_“Don’t say that word! Don’t even say it!”_

_“Why are you so frightened of it? For this last year every time I say it to you, you look like you want to jump through a hoop of burning fire! How the fuck do you think that makes me feel to know that my boyfriend is too scared to be in love with me?”_

_“I don’t care! Just get the fuck out of my house then and leave!”_

_So He does._

_And Louis passes out, thinking of Harry’s face._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for new chapter!!!! How do you all like it so far? sorry to leave you on a bit of a cliffhanger! if you want more please let me know!!! love you all xx  
> Tumblr: http://ultimatelarrystylinson.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yay!! :)  
> Hope you all enjoy xxx

**Chapter 3.**

HarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarry

That is all that continues to run through Louis’ head as he races out of the bar.

HarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarry

He is putting on his coat at the door when a hand grabs his bicep. Its Zayn.

“Louis what’s going on mate? Why are you leaving?” Zayn asks hurridly, voice draping with concern. Louis understands, he must look like a dear in headlights right now.

“Louis wait!” A voice cries in the distance. Louis knows its Harry and by the look on Zayns face, he knows it too because he mouths “sorry I didn’t know” and then just lets go of Louis’ arm as a signal that he understands.

Louis leaves.

X

Louis doesn’t bother trying to get a cab. It’s New Years Eve for Christ sake. So he just keeps walking with his head down low trying to ignore the sound of his name rolling off Harry’s lips as he tries to catch up with him.

As he walks he keeps thinking that apart of him knew this day would come. He knew he wouldn’t go forever without seeing him again. Its like fate is telling him that it isn’t the end of their story. Like that was only the first chapter. That fucking terrifies him.

He hears Harry getting closer to him and Louis just stops walking. Not because he has too, because he is tired of running away. Harry stops too, and Louis doesn’t even have to look at him to know he is smiling. Louis braces himself and turns around and meets Harry’s eyes.

“Harry hey, sorry I uh didn’t here you following me.” Louis says nonchalantly, knowing Harry would see right through that.

“Yeah I’m sure you didn’t Louis.” Harry says smiling as if Louis is the funniest person in the world. As if this isn’t the first time they’ve seen each other in 2 years.

“So uh what can I do you for?” Louis asks nervously. Hands shaking inside his jacket pockets.

“I wanted to say hi.” Harry replies as if it was obvious.

“Right well, hi.”

“Hi.”

Louis has had his fair share of awkward encounters in his lifetime. But this would have to be the worst. Because they both have so much to say, but no idea how too or wether they should. So they just stare in silence, hoping their questions get across.

“I bought your new book you know.” Harry says.

“You do realise those books are for children right?” Louis asks.

Harry laughs and Louis blushes because he just made Harry laugh, he wishes that didn’t do as much to him as it does.

“I am fully aware. I bought it for Lux, you know, Lou’s daughter.”

“I remember who Lux is Harry, we used to babysit her all the time.” Louis says angrily.

“I just thought you might not have Louis, I’m sorry.”

Harry suddenly looks sad. Very sad. Louis wants to kiss that away. But he also wants to yell at him and tell him he has no right to be sad. None at all.

Louis can tell Harry is itching to say something. He can tell by the way he is biting his lip trying to hold the question in. Louis is suddenly angry.

“Spit it out Harry.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” Harry asks quickly and so faintly Louis almost missed it.

Are you seeing anyone? Are you seeing anyone? Are you seeing anyone?

Louis wants to punch him. He wants to punch him so hard and then take him home and clean him all up and tuck him into his arms where he belongs.

Are you seeing anyone?

That’s the question that was eating up Harry after 2 years apart. That’s what he wants to know. Louis doesn’t understand why.

“Well I did have a very satisfying fuck two nights ago but I don’t think that counts considering I don’t remember the blokes name but all well, it is what it is.” Louis asks voice dripping with ice and fire.

Truth be told Louis hasn’t even had any one night stands. He hasn’t been with anyone since Harry, which is pathetic, but he isn’t about to let Harry know that. The way Harry’s face completely drops and goes pale Louis feels smug. He really shouldn’t, it was a dick move on his behalf, but Harry deserves it, except he doesn’t.

“Oh. Well. Good for you I guess. Whoever he was, he is a very lucky guy.” Harry replies, sounding so small, so fragile.

No. Just no.

“What’s with the long face Harry? Did you think I was going to spend the rest of my life living in a convent and wait for you to come back?” Louis spits at him.

“No of course not. I should have known you’d see other people I guess it was – just er- hard hearing it.” Harry replies.

“You left me remember.” Louis says.

“Did I though. You were long gone before I was.” Harry replies.

Louis’ breath hitches he feels like he is going to choke on the air. He runs his palm over his face not even noticing the sweat building on his forehead even though its snowing outside.

“It doesn’t matter.” Louis says. He has never said anything that was so full of lies.

“You look good Lou. Really you do.” Harry says sincerely.

“You look the same as you always have.” Louis says.

Harry laughs. Dimples showing. No, that’s not good at all.

“Ill take that as a good thing considering you always liked how I looked before.” Harry replies. That smug little shit.

This time, its Louis that laughs. It’s an unusual sound.

“Do you want to have a drink?” Harry asks nervously. It sounds just like the first time he asked him all those years ago.

“No, I think I’m just gonna head home.” Louis replies.

“Seriously? I mean it’s been two years Louis and I don’t know about you but I don’t really want to leave again.” Harry says.

“I’m just really tired right now.” Louis says.

“Right. Well here.” Harry says giving Louis a piece of paper with a persons address on it.

“What is this?” Louis asks.

“Its my friends address, you remember Niall? He is throwing a party there tonight and I’m going to be heading over there a bit later, if you feel up to it please come.” Harry says desperately.

“Why do you want me to come so badly?” Louis asks.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know why, all I know is that I do and that’s enough for me.” Harry replies.

Louis notices how much space there is between him and Asher. He wonders if Harry can feel it too. All of these unspoken words and actions being passed between them and this empty cosmos. Louis wants to close the space and doesn’t know why either. But like Harry, he knows he wants to, and that’s good enough for him.

“I’ll think about it.” Louis replies honestly. Because yes, he does want to go, but he doesn’t know if his heart can handle it.

“Right, yeah I – uh- get it. Just please think about it Louis, I know you probably hate me and all and I don’t blame you, just please think about it. Do it for our younger and happier selves.” Harry says. He takes one last beat and then turns around and heads back to the bar.

After 20 minutes Louis finally hails a cab and heads home. The little piece of paper burning in his hand and Harry’s words on repeat:

“Do it for our younger and happier selves.”

Louis’ night is going to be much more eventful than he thought.

X

**Flashback**

_“Do you ever think about getting married?” Harry asks, mouth full of pizza._

_“Nope.” Louis replies._

_“Why not?” Harry asks curiously._

_“Because the whole idea of getting married is stupid. I mean, how can one spend their whole life with another. One person is bound to get bored eventually and go and gallivant with someone else.” Louis replies, focusing deeply on the string of cheese dangling of his pepperoni pizza._

_“You are such a romantic, I feel so blessed to be the lucky Juliet to your Romeo.” Harry replies smirking._

_“I’m glad you said you were Juliet or else this would have turned into one hell of an intervention about how you are in no way Leonardo Di Caprio, as handsome as you are babe, Leo will always be me.” Louis says._

_“Can I tell you something? It’s a secret though.” Harry whispers, mouth coming in contact with Louis’ ear._

_Louis tries not to let the Goosebumps rising under his skin affect him in anyway._

_“My future husband looks a lot like you.”_

_Louis kisses him then._

_Praying Harry doesn’t notice Louis’ body go completely paralysed with fear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much angst!! Hope you all enjoyed that and I hope your all liking where the story is heading, only more angst and drama from here on out! :)  
> Please comment, kudos, share to all your friends and family etc etc :)  
> Tumblr: http://ultimatelarrystylinson.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!!! I know its been sooooo long since I last updated and I am so sorry!!!!! Hope you all enjoy this chapter though because it was a pain in the ass to write :P

**Chapter 4.**

Why is it always so fucking cold? Louis asks himself repeatedly as he sits on the front steps of the house Harry gave him the address too. Which is a beach house Louis might add.

Its 10:30pm now. Louis spent three hours mentally fighting with himself as to wether or not he should come. He wrote multiple pros and cons to the idea, screamed into a pillow a few times, argued with himself out loud. Nothing out of the ordinary.

When Louis got here, he assumed Harry already would be here, but when he asked a few random people wearing New Years Eve hats and sunglasses that light up, they all said he wasn’t. So that’s how Louis ended up sitting on the front porch steps looking like a fish out of water, freezing his fucking arse off.

Even now, Louis is still fighting with his conscious as to wether or not this is a good idea. Louis will probably continue fighting with himself even when Harry arrives. Harry will be speaking and Louis will be questioning wether the best route of escape would be swimming to Hawaii or faking a seizure. But then again, Harry nay not even arrive, he may have just been plotting a revenge against Louis by making him spend New Years surrounded by random drunks and sit on very uncomfortable wooden steps and die of hypothermia. That bastard.

Even if that was Harry’s plan all along, and at this point in time Louis firmly believes it is. Its not entirely horrible, Louis will just get pissed drunk and wake up the next year in the sand with seaweed in his hair and salt water in his mouth.

Worse things have happened.

Louis is about to give up on waiting and go get a drink when suddenly, unexpectedly and terrifyingly…. everything stops.

Louis sees a cab pulls up and sees a familiar head of curly hair get out of the cab and everything just stops.

For some reason, seeing Harry now hits Louis harder then when he first bumped into him in the bathroom. Louis doesn’t know why, he probably never will. All he does know is that for the last 3 hours he has been trying to pull himself together and prepare himself for Harry’s presence that when he is finally in the same breathing proximity as Harry, he feels like he hasn’t prepared at all.

Then again, Harry always had that affect on Louis.

Louis continues to just stare in almost awe at Harry as he exits the taxi and begins to walk towards the house with his head down, as if he is trying to go completely unnoticed by the world. That’s not how it works with Harry though, because he is like magic, he is like a great spotlight, and those things never go unnoticed.

It happens almost like in a movie. Everything and everyone is moving in slow motion, except Harry. Everything and everyone is shaded black and almost non-existent, except Harry who just shines. The only thing that is different is that instead of Harry looking up and seeing Louis and then they both stare at each other dramatically for a good ten minutes, Louis gets off the steps and goes to chase after Harry’s taxi in hope Harry will not even notice him and go on with his perfect life.

Of course that’s not how it happens though.

Louis has almost past Harry without being seen and is just about to hail Harry’s taxi which is just about to take off when he trip on his own feet and falls onto his back looking at the night sky full of stars and questioning his entire existence.

Perfect.

“Louis?” Asks Harry’s big, giant, beautiful head that covers Louis’ sky with a face that is trying not to break into laughter.

“No this isn’t Louis, this is a sad excuse of a man that has yet to learn how to properly walk, please go on with your daily life.” Louis says dramatically making Harry fucking giggle!

“Well, would that man like a hand?” Harry asks in between giggles as he extends his hand down to Louis.

Louis questions if he does. Its stupid really because it’s a very non-complicated question but Louis, being the anxious –thinks-everything-has-a-deeper-meaning man that he is, questions it. If he takes Harry’s hand he is basically saying that he will stay at the party, if he doesn’t he will hurt Harry yes (but in what universe does Louis not hurt Harry) but he will also maintain his self-control and his sorry excuse of a life. The most logical answer is the latter, but in what universe is Louis ever logical?)

So, very un-logically, Louis takes Harry’s hand and tries to ignore the familiar warmth it brings and stands up whilst brushing the dirt off his behind, well aware that Harry’s bewildered gaze has not left Louis’ face.

“You came.” Harry states surprise and shock dripping from his voice.

“You sound surprised.” Louis says staring at Harry’s nose, avoiding his eyes, hoping he isn’t going cross-eyed.

“Yeah I am. But I’ve always loved surprises.” Harry says. Louis laughs to himself quietly because he remembers all too fondly how much Harry enjoyed being surprised by Louis coming to visit him at the studio, or Louis attempting to make him breakfast in bed, or simply Louis recording Harry’s favourite show for him because he knew how upset he’d be if he missed it. Louis remembers all of these little things as if he thinks of them all the time.

And maybe he does.

“Well you know, luckily I’m full of them.” Louis says cheekily as he bats his eyes at Harry, which causes Harry to blush, and Louis remembers he isn’t allowed to do that anymore because Harry isn’t his; Harry is probably somebody else’s. So Louis awkwardly clears his throat and looks around at all of the party people instead.

“Do you want to get a drink Lou?” Harry asks sweetly and Louis nods and lets Harry lead him into the house with one steady hand encompassing his lower back.

He tries not to think about what that may mean.

X

“Niall you look ridiculous.” Harry says, lips forming a full smile.

“Harry don’t be a twat it’s fucking New Years! Gotta get into the spirit!” Niall yells raising his bear to the ceiling before taking a massive swig.

It’s true, Niall does look ridiculous with his large, gold, 2015 glasses and purple Afro wig, but if Louis is being honest, he did not expect anything less from Niall. This whole outfit and New Years cheer just makes Louis realise how much he has missed Niall. It was stupid of him really, to ignore Niall after he and Harry split because Niall was Harry’s friend first. Louis just automatically assumed that Niall would hate Louis after what happened, he thought it would be awkward. It’s stupid because that’s just not Niall. Niall does not ever have awkward encounters; Niall doe not ever hold grudges or hate people. So it was stupid of Louis to ditch him. But Louis has a long list of stupid things he has done so he can’t really let it bother him completely.

It’s nearly midnight and Louis has spent the whole party guided by Harry’s hand to chit chat with different people Harry knows all by name, with a small buzz (but he doesn’t know if that’s from the beer or Harry’s hand sending an electric shock through his spine) and HarryHarryHarry. So much Harry that Louis doesn’t know what do to. He feels like everyone here is sending them both knowing looks as if they think Louis is Harry’s new beau, his new lover, his new thing.

If only they knew.

Despite the itch Louis has in his body that is telling him to run the fuck away, he is having a good time. It does get a bit tiresome to receive the same incredulous look from every single person when he tells them he writes children books but it is what it is. And its not like he isn’t used to it. For some strange reason the idea of a 26 year old man writing books about a pineapple and a banana becoming friends and teaching kids about the value of sharing is completely ludicrous. But hey, Louis gets paid heaps to write this shit and Harry looks at him so proudly every time he tells someone about his job. So he cannot find it in himself to feel uncomfortable or offended by their looks.

“ONE MINUTE FUCKERS! LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!” Niall screams. In an instant everyone is gathering into the lounge room which was turned into a massive dance floor and its crowded and loud as everyone is beginning to countdown.

“40! 39! 38! 37! 36! 35!..”

Girls are beginning to wrap their arms around their boyfriend’s necks getting ready for their New Years kiss.

Harry is staring at Louis.

“30! 29! 28! 27! 26! 25!...”

Drunk single people are latching onto other drunk single people to kiss just because they can.

Harry is staring at Louis.

“20! 19! 18! 17! 16! 15!...”

Louis probably looks like a complete nutter has he frantically looks around biting his nails trying to find an escape.

Harry is staring at Louis.

“10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5!...”

Louis sees the bathroom and internally sings hallelujah and takes his first step towards it.

Harry grabs Louis’ hand and pulls him in.

“4! 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

And Harry is kissing Louis. Harry is kissing Louis after 2 years and Louis’ body is burning fire and ice at the exact same time and it isn’t the good kind. His eyes are open his mouth is not moving and he cannot breath and needs to run because what else can he really do?

He pushes Harry off and spares a moment to see the guilt, hurt and rejection fill Harry’s eyes before Louis is pushing through all of the kissing, faceless people and making his escape to the sound of seagulls and smell of saltwater.

X

When Harry joins Louis on the sand over looking the pristine water Louis just feels tired and guilty. He feels guilty for putting that horribly sad look in Harry’s eyes but he also just feels tired for always feeling guilty for anything he does that involves Harry. He finds that everything he ever does leaves Harry hurting in some way. He wishes he didn’t, but apparently its just natural now.

“I’m sorry.” Harry says, voice breaking slightly.

Louis sighs and drops his shoulders, rubbing his cold hands over his face as his elbows rest on his knees. The entire position just screams “tired.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” Louis asks.

He doesn’t have to look at Harry’s face to know that he is looking at Louis with the upmost confusion.

“Because I kissed you and that was wrong of me.” Harry says stretching out his syllables with each word.

“Yeah but I hurt you. And I don’t know, usually when it comes to us everything bad that happens is my fault. I mean fuck Harry I’m the reason everything went to shit.” Louis says a bit to loudly considering Harry is sitting right next to him.

“Louis that’s not true -“

“-It is Harry!" Louis says. "You were never anything but fucking lovely and charming and just the perfect person in the world and I was a fucking coward and pushed you away. Its true! You can’t deny it cause its true. I was a shit person to you Harry and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you. But..but… I don’t regret you, I didn’t push you away tonight because I regretted what we had and because I don’t feel anything for you because that would be a big ass fucking lie but-“

“-You still have feelings for me?” Harry asks bewildered.

“Seriously. That’s what you got from that.” Louis asks dryly.

Harry blushes. “No. But its definitely a stand out.” Harry says.

“I don’t know how I feel about you Harry. I mean fuck this is the first time I’ve seen you in what two years? And even if I did still have feelings for you I don’t deserve to because I fucked you over and I don’t deserve to even consider the thought of possibly having you again because you deserve so much better. All I know is that you’re my serendipity. I wasn’t looking for you and I most definitely was not expecting you. But I’m very glad you’re here tonight and I’d kind of like to keep you around for a bit longer if that’s okay.” Louis says finally meeting Harry’s eyes, a little scared that he will get lost in them.

“I forgave you for everything that happened the second I walked out that door. For what its worth I don’t hold you at fault for everything, I fucked up in more ways than one too. And all I know is that you can’t go back and change the past. But you can stop yourself from making the same mistake twice and change your future. And I’d very much like to fix ours.” Harry said earnestly, eyes becoming shiny and voice starting to shake. It didn’t take long for Louis to realise his eyes were getting misty too.

With the tension and awkwardness decreased dramatically, Louis just smiles at Harry like he always wanted to and Harry quickly matches it, dimples and all, and then turns back to face the dark ocean that seems much calmer and sweeter than it did before which makes Louis feels light and airy for the first time in a long time. However, Louis doesn’t know if that feeling is from the view of the ocean or Harry’s head that is now resting on his shoulder.

And then they were just there. Together. And somehow after everything, that was enough to make it all better.

And Louis was as tired anymore, in fact, he felt electric, he felt sparks buzzing in his toes and moving through his body and as much as sitting with Harry like this wasn’t nice and tranquil, Louis felt something, he heard something in him and it was time for him to do something about it.

Its time to start living again.

“Hey Harry.” Louis says, mischievous smirk growing on his lips.

Harry hums a reply and lifts his head off Louis’ shoulder to look at him with a questioning but relaxed and peaceful look.

“Want to do something crazy?” Louis asks.

Harry putting his hand in Louis’, entwining their fingers, like they used to do in a time that seems much closer than it used too, is all the answer Louis needs.

Its time to start living again.

 

_Flashback_

_Why did Louis think going to a gay bar alone would be a good idea?_

_Its not like going to gay bars is a new experience for Louis, he is a frequent member, but alone, no that never happens._

_Usually, Louis can convince Zayn to tag along as long as he 1. Pays for the drinks and 2. Buys Zayn weed. But tonight, Zayn put a date with a blonde with big boobs before Louis._

_So that’s how a horny Louis wound up sitting at the bar drinking a beer, smoking a cigarette, in between guys dry humping each other._

_Louis is about to ditch and just go home and have a wank but apparently fate has other ideas._

_“Excuse me can I borrow your phone?” A low husky voice asks Louis, breath hot against his ear sending shivers down his spine._

_“Why?” Louis asks, voice shaking midly, pants becoming increasingly tighter._

_“I need to call Charlie, I think he lost one of his angels.” Says the voice._

_Louis scoffs and turns and faces the husky voice with the lame pick up lines and sees the most beautiful boy. Wild, curly hair, emerald green eyes, DIMPLES, Louis nearly falls off his seat. Though, Louis is not about to visibly loose his composure._

_“That is probably the worst line I’ve ever heard in my life.” Louis says trying not to get lost in his eyes._

_“Yeah, but I got your attention didn’t I?” The boy says smirking._

_And bloody hell, this boy can have Louis’ attention for the rest of his life._

_“Maybe.” Louis says trying to be calm. He wonders if this boy can see right through that._

_“Can I buy you a drink?” The boy asks Louis, suddenly looking nervous that Louis could reject him._

_Naturally, Louis would say “lets cut the chit chat” and drag him into the bathroom and get and give a blowjob then give a fake number and leave. But tonight, with this boy, and his beautiful, soulful eyes, soft lips, Louis just can’t._

_“I thought you’d never ask Curly.” Louis says teasingly, ruffling his hand through the boys hair and using every ounce of self-control to actually remove it._

_“I’m Harry by the way.” The boy – Harry- says extending his hand to Louis._

_Louis returns the gesture and doesn’t miss the feeling of warmth spread through his body, as they remain in the handshake position for longer then usual._

_Doesn’t miss how their hands don’t pull away at all._

_“I’m Louis.”_

_Harry smiles._

_And Louis is sure, more than anything; Harry is going to break his heart._

_Louis, for once, does not even care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked that and I hope it makes up for my disappearance :) If you did like it please leave a kudos and a nice comment because they make my heart smile :) Also please follow me on tumblr! see you next update <3  
> tumblr: http://ultimatelarrystylinson.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo how is it??? Let me know if you like it so far and want me to continue it :)   
> love you all   
> Tumblr: http://ultimatelarrystylinson.tumblr.com


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